Ayers Rock Loop
The MacDonnell Ranges
Pick up your camper in the morning and hit the road. It’s up to you from here - you can cruise straight on down to Ayers Rock (about 460km) or you can make for the West Macdonnell National Park. Let’s pretend you’re gonna start there...
Follow all signs outta town towards Glen Helen Gorge. Make sure you got your swimmers cos’ there’s some kickass creeks and waterholes you can swim in! The water’s cold though, so be prepared to watch your balls shrink to the size of tic tacs. Ok so you’re on Namitijira Drive / Red Centre Way. Check out Standley Chasm - it’s a big impressive rock thingy that’s got a big cut through the middle. From here stop off in Ellery Creek and go for a swim - there’s no crocodiles but there may be perverted rock wallabies watching you.
Only a hop away from this is Serpentine Gorge - it may have water to swim in or it may be dry. Don’t try and swim if it’s dry. The Ochre Pits are pretty cool - for thousands of years local indigenous people have used this site for it’s supply of ochre. Kind of like a corner shop for Ochre
Ormiston Gorge is very rad. There’s a crystal clear water hole and numerous caves to explore. There’s a nice little camping area here, so if you’re tired, set up camp and take it easy man. Or you can go another 10 minutes drive and camp out at Glen Helen Gorge - there’s a little shop here and campground. Best thing is - they sell beer!!! Otherwise get your ass back to Alice Springs and get trashed at Bojangles Pub. Go to bed or make out or whatever - tomorrow's a big day!
The Red Centre Way
Get up early and get on the road. If you camped out in the Macdonnell Ranges then you’re gonna need to move ass. Once you’re on the Stuart Hwy you can’t really get lost. It’s 200km to the next gas station in Erldunda from Alice Springs - a good place for a break. Chuck a right onto the Lasseter Hwy / Red Centre Way and cruise through Mt Ebenezer and on towards Curtain Springs. There’s some freakin’ randy emus wandering the petrol station here so watch yo ass! It’s a nice place for lunch and overlooks Mt Conner - that bastard mountain that everyone mistakes for Uluru. After lunch keep going another 102km to Kata Tjuta National Park. Watch out for dumb ass camels walking this stretch of highway. Once here, pay the nice ladies your $25 entry fee to the park and get on in - you’re here!
Reserve a spot in the campgrounds at Ayers Rock Resort, then get on out to view the amazing sunset at Uluru! Cook up some dinner and watch the stars - you’ll probably never see as many stars anywhere else. Make out for a little while, then go to sleep.
Ayers Rock and the Olgas
Get up before dawn and get down to the viewing area at Uluru. Watch the sunrise - it’s truly amazing watching the colours of the Rock change through the day.
If the wind is light, you’ll be able to climb Ayers Rock. So get your shoes on baby! It is a sacred area, so respect the locals and the land! After your climb (if you wanna do it!), head on out to the Olgas - a rock formation easily as impressive and big as Ayers Rock, but without the rockstar reputation. Hike around the area - it really is massive!